Our church recently had it's women's
retreat at a retreat center not far outside Seattle called Rainbow
Lodge. It always amazes me that in a brief drive from Seattle you
can be in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by giant fir trees and
mountains in a setting fit for Big Foot. Our lodge was an awesome
place with a slightly cheesy flare. Each of our rooms had names that
invited mockery if you're a cynic. Mine was called Moonrise. It was
actually an awesome room with big windows looking out on mossy woods
filled with ferns and fir trees. A friend walked by the first night
looking for God's Love. Was that a theological question, I thought?
We could talk about that for a while. But no, it was just the name
of her room. God's Love was near my room, I informed her. The
funniest moment for me was discovering the Pledge to the Rainbow,
positioned above the stairs.I pledge allegiance to the rainbow
and to the elation for which it stands,
one circus,
one ringmaster
with balloons for all.
You've got to love a retreat center that
names its rooms Moonrise and God's Love and posts Pledges to the
Rainbow over its stairwells. What
happens at Rainbow Lodge stays at Rainbow Lodge.
The elders' wives at church invited me
to hash out ideas I am putting together for a book I hope to write
this spring on the Gospel-Centered Woman. One friend made up her own
name for the session titles, 'How I could be more like an Ephesian's
31 woman if my husband wasn't such a tool.' That made me laugh.
But seriously, beyond the teaching and
the setting, the weekend was a fruitful, meaningful time with
friends. One leader said she felt like this group was safe. That
word, safe, evokes deep emotions for me.
safe: affording security or protection from harm; secure from risk; worthy of trust.1
I have spent time
in many environments, particularly Christian ones, that didn't feel
safe. Instead of feeling worthy of trust, they made me feel wary to
share myself. To be safe in those environments, I had to know the
limits of what I could and couldn't talk about. I felt safe, but
only within specific boundaries. This weekend was different—a
brief taste of something that is our truth even now in heaven though
on earth we don't yet see it fully realized. But it's coming in its
fullness one day soon. It's what I call Gospel-Safe Community.
What is it about
certain groups of believers that makes them emotionally and
spiritually safe? And how does that safety play out practically? I
think the crucial practical aspect of gospel-safe environments is
that you can be honest. You don't fear admitting mistakes or
failures. This isn't the same as glorifying our sins or rejoicing in
wrong-doing. No one WANTS to fail. No one wants to get it wrong.
But failure is inevitably going to happen at multiple points for all
of us. In gospel-safe environments, honesty about our failures is an
invitation for people to bear with us and support us, not an
invitation for them to condemn and shame.
This is what the
gospel does for relationships. How? Well, the term gospel-safe
community implies that the others in community also understand the
gospel. And inherent to understanding the gospel is acknowledging
our own personal and very real sin problem. Gospel safe friends have
admitted to themselves how very serious their own problems were/are
and how utterly needy they were/are for a Savior to redeem and repair
what they could not begin to touch on their own. This is true in
terms of our own personal sin, others' sins against us, and our suffering
over sickness, death, and all the ways this world is broken.
When we are nestled snuggly in the gospel, we can be honest about the good and
the bad in our lives. Gospel-safe environments allow us to speak and
to process out in the open. Gospel-safe friends will listen.
They'll ask follow up questions. They may share back to you a
similar struggle. These are all pieces of emotionally bearing a
burden with someone. Their first response won't be advice. Maybe
they actually have great advice. But gospel-safe friends won't push
it on you. Gospel-safe friends understand it's not their obligation
to FIX the problem. Bearing it with you is different than fixing it.
That's key. The GOSPEL fixes our problem. Our gospel-safe friends
bear with us until the Lord makes it clear exactly how. Maybe they
have insight that is helpful, and that can be received, but there is
a difference in the tone of advice when we all cling to the gospel
and not our own works to solve our core problem in the world.
Was our group at
the Lodge perfect? Nope. Not by a long shot. Were there problems?
Boy howdy! But there was a TASTE of what God has created us for long
term. A taste of what was lost in the fall of man and what is being
redeemed day by day through the Cross. And those moments when His
glory breaks into our present are beautiful to behold. I had to
leave the weekend early due to sickness at my house. Laughter echoed
from the dining room into the night as I drove away, and I praised
the Lord for the beauty of Gospel-Safe Community.
Psalm 133
1 Behold, how good and pleasant it is
when brothers dwell in unity!
2 It is like the precious oil on the head,
running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
running down on the collar of his robes!
3 It is like the dew of Hermon,
which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the LORD has commanded the blessing,
life forevermore.
1 www.dictionary.com
I sure love your message. Thanks for the encouragement!
ReplyDeleteLove you (and your friends') sense of humor. I think I would like hanging out with that group. How great to be able to have fun with other women and be vulnerable at the same time? I think it is too rare.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. You have described a precious jewel here, Gospel-Safe Community. It is rare and precious when found. We have a life group that is this and I thank God for this treasure. Thank you for putting into words what we know we need in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteThis post resonated deeply with me. To feel safe is something I yearn for and can only be found in Jesus, and with those who know His grace. The circumstances of life and the world certainly provide no sense of safety. I long to feel safe with other believers, but your post also increased my desire to be the kind of friend who extends grace and listens, bears with, and withholds advice (especially Scripture verses) as an immediate response. It may be true and right, but can be very insensitive and destructive if given at the wrong time.
ReplyDeleteWendy, I love your style of writing. How delightful it is to read deep truth expressed so simply and with such humility. I walk around the barn 3 times before I am able to say what I mean (can you tell we live in the country?).
I have some questions about the book you are working on for the Gospel-centered woman. In your experience, do you find any general trends among women who "get grace?" Are they people who have been deeply wounded or relatively unscathed by the circumstances of life, sensitive and intuitive by nature or less aware of others, grew up in church or came to Christ later in life, blessed to sit under Gospel-centered preaching or used to moralism, suffer from guilt and in search of relief or more self confident, avid readers of the Scriptures for their own survival or for more knowledge? Just some questions that rumble through my brain.
The freedom of the Gospel brings unspeakable joy and is, ultimately, the gift of the Spirit. I want to experience it so that I can teach it and demonstrate it to others. Thank you for being real and Gospel-safe!
That's an interesting question, Carolyn. I think the common element I've seen is that there has been sin or suffering personally experienced among the women I know who get grace at a deeper level. I know for myself, I had naive notions of what Christianity should look like as a young woman which resulted in personal pride, and it took the crushing of those notions to bring me to drink of the deep well of gospel grace. Until you're desperately thirsty, you don't drink from it with the desperation you need.
DeleteHow sweet it is to have gospel-safe friends! I was at a birthday lunch yesterday for one of my gospel-safe friends. As I looked around the table, I realized at all but two of the women had been through a study called Gospel Transformation. It's the study that taught me to preach the gospel to myself for the first time in my 25 year relationship with the Lord. What you describe is exactly what we experience. A freedom that allows us to be incredibly honest and real with each other because we are not worried about our reputations or hiding our sin. We have the cross and preach the gospel to each other often. A gospel-safe friend is something I wish every woman could experience. I was reminded yesterday how important discipleship is and how rewarding. Every woman that went through the study at the table was either led by me or by someone I took through the study. God let me see the fruit, and I was truly humbled and grateful to be a small (very small) part of His story in their lives. Preach on, sister!
DeleteI haven't heard it termed "gospel-safe"...I like it.
ReplyDeleteA "gospel-safe" community is one in which your name is safe on other's lips and other's names are safe on yours.
I heard this once and it has stuck with me, haunted me, converted me, challenged me and transformed me (by the power of the Holy Spirit) to seek gospel-safe people and to be one myself.
Thanks for your reply, Wendy. I relate to the personal experience of sin and suffering driving me to God's grace which alone provided relief. I thought of the passages in Luke where Jesus tells the story of a moneylender who cancelled the debt of two debtors. One owed a great debt and the other only a little. Jesus asks the disciples who will love him more--the one who owed much or the one who owed only a little. Peter answered: "The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt." Jesus replied that he was correct. (Luke 7:41-43). Jesus goes on to say of the sinful woman who was weeping and anointing his feet with oil: "Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loves much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." (Luke 7:47)
ReplyDeleteIt's an interesting question, how we "get" the gospel. I have to admit, I've "gotten" it incrementally over my Christian life, and not necessarily in connection to any sin. There have been times in my life when the Lord has simply refreshed me with His grace in a deeper way while I was seeking Him earnestly, and there have been times when the Spirit has hit me between the eyes over a particular circumstance. I'm a little concerned about how we communicate the connection between experiencing sin and getting the gospel, though.
ReplyDeleteWe all sin, whether or not our sin leads to obvious devastation (drugs, infidelity, etc.). The question isn't the size of the sin, but how sensitive we are to it. Of course, murderers, rapists, and child molesters are closer to damnation than someone who lies to his or her boss about being sick. But that's because more grevious sins require a person to harden his or her heart against God more deeply, to give oneself over to evil, and not because the sin itself is higher on the list of no-no's. Those who are saved in those kinds of sin know how close they are to danger, and feel it acutely. But so should nags and hypocrites.
I'm not saying there's no difference in how people experience the grace of God, but I am saying that we need to be careful where we place the emphasis. It's not on the nature of the sin, but on the grace of God that pardons all sin. I've not been forgiven little at all, even though I haven't rebelled in henious ways. I have been forgiven a GREAT deal because the Lord shows me how the sins I do commit grieve Him and others. So I can walk with others through their death-shadowed valleys because the grace of God is for us all.
That's helpful clarification, Megan.
DeleteThank you, Wendy for sharing this matter. This struck me. In the current situation of the church that I am in, I feel like there are only a few people who I can be gospel-safe with. Unfortunately, those belonging in my extended family do not exhibit this kind of characteristic. I understand that we are all in the same body of Christ, but what I do not understand is that why they are so estranged when in fact we should be gospel safe because 1) We are brothers and sisters in Christ and 2) We are not only belonging in a spiritual family, but we are in a biological family. It just hurts me that in as much as I want to be gospel-safe with them, it is to the same degree that they wouldn't like to be that to me. Am I missing out in giving grace unto others? Am I falling into judging them prematurely? Or this is again an episode of a self-centered nature that I have to let go and give to God?
ReplyDeleteKrissy, this is the hardest struggle I have had -- extending gospel grace to others and being a safe place for them to be honest when they don't extend the same to me. It's hard to stay engaged. I encourage you to continue to extend grace without expecting it in return. That is what, in fact, makes it grace. One day, maybe not until heaven, but surely one day you will live in gospel safe community under the reign of King Jesus. Until then, we only get little glimpses. God bless you in this struggle.
DeleteConfession: I covet your Gospel Safe community! Found you from a link about loneliness on Crosswalk.
ReplyDeleteI loved this article, Wendy! It made me want to be a Gospel-safe friend to others.
ReplyDeleteI should add that I think women, at least in my circle, struggle with this. There is this pressure or need to be some sort of ideal"Proverbs 31" woman that causes us to tiptoe around are real struggles, fears, and doubts, and not relate as transparently as we should to one another. No one has it all together!
ReplyDeleteHow we need to remember that Jesus came for the those who need a physician, not for those who are well!
Wendy - you did it again! You communicate truth so clearly. I always feel that THIS is a safe place. Thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteThe last few years have been hard. And yet I stand more confidently in the Gospel than ever before. It is an interesting thing! I do get weary when I feel lonely and isolated...but then I cling even more to Christ. You wrote recently about this too. So true.
Wow, Jen. Thanks for that!
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