Safe at the Rainbow

Our church recently had it's women's retreat at a retreat center not far outside Seattle called Rainbow Lodge. It always amazes me that in a brief drive from Seattle you can be in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by giant fir trees and mountains in a setting fit for Big Foot. Our lodge was an awesome place with a slightly cheesy flare. Each of our rooms had names that invited mockery if you're a cynic. Mine was called Moonrise. It was actually an awesome room with big windows looking out on mossy woods filled with ferns and fir trees. A friend walked by the first night looking for God's Love. Was that a theological question, I thought? We could talk about that for a while. But no, it was just the name of her room. God's Love was near my room, I informed her. The funniest moment for me was discovering the Pledge to the Rainbow, positioned above the stairs.

I pledge allegiance to the rainbow
and to the elation for which it stands,
one circus,
one ringmaster
with balloons for all.

You've got to love a retreat center that names its rooms Moonrise and God's Love and posts Pledges to the Rainbow over its stairwells. What happens at Rainbow Lodge stays at Rainbow Lodge.

The elders' wives at church invited me to hash out ideas I am putting together for a book I hope to write this spring on the Gospel-Centered Woman. One friend made up her own name for the session titles, 'How I could be more like an Ephesian's 31 woman if my husband wasn't such a tool.' That made me laugh.

But seriously, beyond the teaching and the setting, the weekend was a fruitful, meaningful time with friends. One leader said she felt like this group was safe. That word, safe, evokes deep emotions for me.

safe: affording security or protection from harm; secure from risk; worthy of trust.¹

I have spent time in many environments, particularly Christian ones, that didn't feel safe. Instead of feeling worthy of trust, they made me feel wary to share myself. To be safe in those environments, I had to know the limits of what I could and couldn't talk about. I felt safe, but only within specific boundaries. This weekend was different—a brief taste of something that is our truth even now in heaven though on earth we don't yet see it fully realized. But it's coming in its fullness one day soon. It's what I call Gospel-Safe Community.

What is it about certain groups of believers that makes them emotionally and spiritually safe? And how does that safety play out practically? I think the crucial practical aspect of gospel-safe environments is that you can be honest. You don't fear admitting mistakes or failures. This isn't the same as glorifying our sins or rejoicing in wrong-doing. No one WANTS to fail. No one wants to get it wrong. But failure is inevitably going to happen at multiple points for all of us. In gospel-safe environments, honesty about our failures is an invitation for people to bear with us and support us, not an invitation for them to condemn and shame.

This is what the gospel does for relationships. How? Well, the term gospel-safe community implies that the others in community also understand the gospel. And inherent to understanding the gospel is acknowledging our own personal and very real sin problem. Gospel safe friends have admitted to themselves how very serious their own problems were/are and how utterly needy they were/are for a Savior to redeem and repair what they could not begin to touch on their own. This is true in terms of our own personal sin, others' sins against us, and our suffering over sickness, death, and all the ways this world is broken.

When we are nestled snuggly in the gospel, we can be honest about the good and the bad in our lives. Gospel-safe environments allow us to speak and to process out in the open. Gospel-safe friends will listen. They'll ask follow up questions. They may share back to you a similar struggle. These are all pieces of emotionally bearing a burden with someone. Their first response won't be advice. Maybe they actually have great advice. But gospel-safe friends won't push it on you. Gospel-safe friends understand it's not their obligation to FIX the problem. Bearing it with you is different than fixing it. That's key. The GOSPEL fixes our problem. Our gospel-safe friends bear with us until the Lord makes it clear exactly how. Maybe they have insight that is helpful, and that can be received, but there is a difference in the tone of advice when we all cling to the gospel and not our own works to solve our core problem in the world.

Was our group at the Lodge perfect? Nope. Not by a long shot. Were there problems? Boy howdy! But there was a TASTE of what God has created us for long term. A taste of what was lost in the fall of man and what is being redeemed day by day through the Cross. And those moments when His glory breaks into our present are beautiful to behold. I had to leave the weekend early due to sickness at my house. Laughter echoed from the dining room into the night as I drove away, and I praised the Lord for the beauty of Gospel-Safe Community.

Psalm 133
 1 Behold, how good and pleasant it is
   when brothers dwell in unity!
2 It is like the precious oil on the head,
   running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
   running down on the collar of his robes!
3 It is like the dew of Hermon,
   which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the LORD has commanded the blessing,
   life forevermore.

1  www.dictionary.com

Lonely in a Crowd

My 5 year old son cried last week in bed because he was lonely. And I cried with him because I knew exactly what he was feeling. It all started when friends had to reschedule a play date on Friday. My little one was looking forward to them coming home after school, and when I told him they couldn't come after all, he started crying and asking whom else we could have over. He cried on and off most of that evening. We had friends over on Saturday, and he enjoyed that very much. But by Monday evening (a school holiday), he was very lonely again.

Here's the thing—he's never alone. He has a built in playmate in the form of his 7 year old brother with whom he shares a room. They play together quite a bit. But overall, my youngest is much more social than his Aspie-ish brother. My eldest is more like my engineer husband. My youngest is more like me. My eldest rarely struggles with loneliness, but the little one and I, boy howdy. And it comes at the weirdest times – times that don't make sense. I recognize being lonely when I am actually alone. But with two young boys, being physically alone is so rare that I actually enjoy it right now. Lonely in a crowd – that's a different thing altogether.

We were created for community. In perfection, God said it was not good for man to be alone, and He made a partner for him in the woman. God Himself is not alone—He makes up His own core community, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He talks to Himself in the plural – “Let Us make man in Our image.” And He then created us in His image. We need community – it's core to being an image bearer of God.

The pivotal moment at Jesus' death on the cross was when He cried out, “It is finished.” The veil of the temple that separated man from the symbolic presence of God in the Holy of Holies was torn apart. After sin had alienated us from community with God, Jesus made the way for us to be restored to fellowship with Him. The heart of the gospel is this reconciliation with God. In Christ, we are no longer alone. We have community with the most Holy of all. We have access to the throne of God, and He invites us to enter it boldly and with confidence that we may receive the grace and mercy we need at every turn.

God's community with Himself makes Jesus' cry from the cross, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” that much more poignant. Talk about being lonely in a crowd—Jesus has felt it!

Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.

So here I am in a moment of profound loneliness even though I'm surrounded by people. There are many lesser reasons for that loneliness. Maybe others with me seem to be enjoying something together, and I feel left out of the group. Maybe something is going on in my head that I want to share with someone, but no one around me seems interested. My youngest in his moment of loneliness wanted someone to play, not just around him, but actually WITH him. He was around people all day, but he wanted to be engaged with someone who enjoyed what he enjoyed. 

Maturity in the faith helps me in these moments—not necessarily to solve the problem but certainly to recognize the source of the problem. I was created for something more, and this world is broken. The perception that everyone else is enjoying healthy community while I'm ignored on the sidelines is a deception by the enemy. They are broken too, and so is their sense of community. 

The gospel meets me here. I am not alone. And I do not mean that in a trite or superficial way. I. AM. NOT. ALONE. God's community with me through Christ's death on the cross is real. It means something very practical for me in those moments of profound loneliness. I feel lonely in a crowd because those around me don't seem to understand me or care about me the way I long to be understood and loved. Yet, I have access to the One who does understand me perfectly and who does love me unconditionally.

I have found only one source for relief of such loneliness—and it is simply Bible study and prayer. I read the Word, and God speaks to me. I pray and speak to Him. Then maybe I'll read some more, and He speaks more. Sometimes His Word to me reflects His eternal purposes for His glory. Sometimes it reminds me that He's doing something big and transcendent. But sometimes, He speaks a special word to me that pinpoints an exact issue with which I am struggling. It's a word He spoke and preserved thousands of years ago in Scripture, yet for me in that moment, the Holy Spirit applies it in a profound way.

As I talked with my son that evening, I had a simple answer for him that at first sounded trite to me. But it was anything but trite, and I am glad I didn't shy away from it. “Honey, when you believe in Christ and have Him as your Savior, you are never alone.” I said more, prayed with him, and snuggled him in bed for a bit. We talked about what bothered him, and that seemed to help. But most of all, I hope I sowed a seed that will flourish in his heart as he grows older. In Christ, we are not alone. We are known and understood and heard and loved by the most Holy of all. The One who created us for community with Him has made a way to bring us back. Make use of this truth. Appropriate it. Nothing will sustain us emotionally like living daily in this truth. I quoted Hebrews 4:15 above. It's noteworthy that it is immediately followed by this.

Hebrews 4:16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Discipling an Aspie

I read an article recently that discussed ministering to those with Asperger's Syndrome.

“The name comes from a pediatrician in Vienna, Hans Asperger, who in the 1940’s discovered that certain children have a unique set of character traits.  He began to study them, and he noticed they had some of the following characteristics in common:

-they tend to have a low EQ, meaning they lack certain social skills
-they prefer to be alone
-they are very intelligent (“little professors” he called them)
-they see things in black and white, meaning they take things very literally
-they do not easily process information
-they miss subtleties, do not easily intuit
-they are very sensitive to sounds, textures
-they have an odd sense of humor—quirky fits here
-they do not easily read faces, tend to avoid eye contact
-they are not so sensitive to feelings—they do not easily empathize
-they can melt down if given too many tasks at once

I immediately thought of my son, who is distinctly different from his brother and most of his preschool and elementary school peers in how he processes information. My son is not on the most extreme end of the Asperger's Spectrum, yet, he's there. I read these attributes to my husband as well, and we laughed. It explains a lot in our family.

My husband is by far my best resource in parenting my little Aspie because my little guy is in many ways just a smaller version of my big guy. The big thing we've talked about is accepting simply that he processes things differently than many other kids. And different is not bad.

Different: unusual, not common, not in step with the norm

Bad: of poor or inferior quality; defective; deficient; inadequate or below standard; morally reprehensible

This has been a very important point for me to get. DIFFERENT is not the same as BAD. Unusual is not the same as defective or morally wrong. Because I have a very different personality than my son, I value the norm. If I walk into a room of people in a social situation, I try to assess what is already going on and join in or support it if I can. And that can be a good thing—maybe I'm being polite and empathetic. It can also be a bad thing—maybe I'm insecure and trying to please people. Maybe I am proud and want them to think well of me. When my son walks in a room and is oblivious of others, it's not necessarily wrong, but it is very different from me.

Once I fortify myself against the “different is bad” mentality that others project onto me and that my own personality tempts me to believe, then I can deal with my son's strengths and weaknesses at a healthy level. What are the strengths of his personality spiritually speaking? What are the weaknesses?

The strengths I have come to recognize easily enough. He isn't easily pressured by his peers. I wouldn't mind so much if he looked around his 1st grade classroom and tried to blend in a bit better. But I recognize that long term, this will serve him very well. He won't be hogtied emotionally like I was by the way others look at him. His personality traits will protect him, at least somewhat, from the kind of negative peer pressure that debilitated me when I was in junior high and high school. If he thinks he should or should not do something, he won't be easily persuaded by the opinion of others. That is an awesome gift, and I admire it greatly after having struggled with that myself.

But his personality comes with weaknesses too. He often lacks empathy. And he can lock in so hard on a project that people become meaningless to him. I can't just TELL him to be considerate, because it's not intuitive for him. I have to model it and truly, proactively disciple him in it. I can't just tell him the Golden Rule. I have to explain it in detail and then help him evaluate specific situations again and again in light of it.

The places we are focusing right now are the Greatest Command and the Golden Rule. People are more important than projects. That doesn't mean that projects aren't good or that he shouldn't have opportunity to focus on his projects. We give him a lot of room there. But when the rubber meets the road, people are more important than projects. Our first priority is loving God. Our second is to love our neighbor as ourself. Which leads very nicely into the Golden Rule – how do YOU want to be treated, son? Ok. Then love your brother and treat him the way you want him to treat you.

I have learned so much in this journey with my son, yet I still can get very discouraged. It helps me to think how far we've already come – to think back on our miserable first year of preschool. I had experienced enough playdates with friends in the first 2 years of my son's life to know he wasn't exactly developmentally on target. But when we hit preschool, it was starkly obvious. There were 12 kids in the classroom—eleven 2-3 year olds remarkably similar in their ability to interact with peers and grown ups and one, my son, who was very, very different. The teachers helped me much that first year, patiently modeling for him again and again how to interact with other kids and grown ups, how to understand their expressions and repair with them when he had hurt them. And patiently modeling for ME how to redirect him and help him build the social skills that came normally for other kids but which he could not intuit for himself. They pointed me toward speech therapy, where a therapist modeled for me how to help him make eye contact and take turns in communication. In the five years since then, he and I have both come a long, long way.

It's hard to water seeds and wait for fruit with our children, and it's certainly hard when discipling a child with aspie tendencies. The exhortations in Scripture to persevere and endure are precious to me in this journey. Stay engaged. Repeat instruction as necessary. And never give up. Different is not bad, and it's OK that I have to teach this son things that come naturally to many other kids.

1 Corinthians 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

James 1 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Wisdom v. the Law on Women's Issues

I posted these thoughts a year ago but want to revisit them today.

In an article posted at Desiring God, I wrote about my journey to understand Scripture's instructions to women through the lens of the gospel. Apart from the gospel, the law kills. Presenting instructions to women apart from a thorough fleshing out of the gospel sets women up for failure, and I have sat under much teaching and read many books that do that very thing. In fact, I have myself done this very thing to others.

Furthermore, among the books I read and teachers I heard, I wasn't just presented with the law, I was also often presented with the teacher's personal application of the law. I'd like to think I haven't done this myself, though I probably have. I have had a conviction since I was a teenager that Scripture was sufficient—sufficient in what it says is wrong and sufficient in what it says is right—and have tried to let that conviction constrain me in anything I might project onto others.

The law says tithe, but the legalist pressures others to tithe their spice rack. And that's exactly what has happened in many presentations on women's issues. As a new wife, I felt constrained by other's applications for their families of general Bible principles. My husband finally had to tell me point blank, “Honey, I don't NEED that.” I was stressed over color coordinated, organic meals when he just needed clean socks. I was greeting him in a state of anxious self-condemnation over the clutter in our home when he is actually more comfortable IN clutter than in a precisely organized room. But no one clarified for me the difference in general Bible principles and personal application.

Christians historically have confused wisdom and law, Proverbs and the Ten Commandments. For instance, we are all familiar with opposite proverbs. “Look before you leap” verses “He who hesitates is lost.” Or for a Biblical example, consider Proverbs 26:4-5.

4 Answer not a fool according to his folly,
   lest you be like him yourself.
5 Answer a fool according to his folly,
   lest he be wise in his own eyes.

Wisdom is not law. And wisdom is only wise when applied correctly in the right situations. You can't read Proverbs the same as the Ten Commandments, yet in our fight against moral relativism, conservative Christians fear situational wisdom. The result is silly, one-dimensional conclusions.

The answer to our fears of moral relativism as we apply wisdom in ways that are actually wise is the indwelling Spirit. Yet, we are suspicious of Him too. Wouldn't we all rather spend 3 years in person at Jesus' feet as did Peter? Yet compare Peter after 3 years in Jesus' presence with Peter after 3 years of the indwelling Holy Spirit. As Jesus Himself says, it was better for Peter, resulting in greater growth and maturity in his life, that the Spirit indwell him than he continue to sit in person at Jesus' feet. It's a profound concept.

Paul exhorts us in Galatians 5:16 to “walk by the Spirit,” which literally means to “keep in step with the Spirit.” It is this pressing into God via the Spirit that equips us to apply wisdom in wise ways without fear of moral relativism. It equips us to distinguish principle from application and to know what application God has for us as opposed to what He has for the zealous teacher at a women's conference. Remember that you have something BETTER than sitting at the feet of Jesus. And He will teach you well.

John 16 7 Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. 8 And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: … 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth,

God bless you as you seek His guidance in how to apply general Biblical wisdom to your specific situation without condemnation for how others apply it in theirs.

Much of Tebowmania represents the worst of American Christianity

American Christians love a winner. We love big numbers and big personalities. And when Tim Tebow is winning, we love him. There is a big difference in Tim Tebow and Tebowmania. Tim seems a genuine guy, and I've written about him before. Tebow's up front faith isn't why people dislike him. Most everyone who has rubbed shoulders with him for any length of time (coaches, teammates, and reporters) has been warmed by his humility and care for the suffering. Tebow's fans, well we're a different story. I just saw this in a secular article in the Chicago Sun-Times on the aftermath of Tebowmania.

"... People have constructed a world for him in which there is no room for mistakes, only perfection. And if he should stumble? What then?

It’s frightening how much belief followers have put in a 24-year-old. I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for the woman who marries him. I can’t imagine the glare of the spotlight and the pressure to be sinless.

Tebow seems like a very nice guy with a very big heart. It’s the people who worship him, rather than just admire him, who make my skin crawl."

We have done this to ourselves, fellow believers. It's not persecution that causes this reaction -- it's bad theology. I don't want to write about Tim Tebow. Whether or not he makes it long term in the NFL, he seems to have perspective. He'll be fine. Tebowmania--that's a different story, and that's the point of this post. It represents to me the worst of the prosperity gospel of conservative evangelicals (which is different than Joel Osteen's version, yet equally destructive).

Michelle Bachman's presidential campaign is an example. During Tebow's 6 game winning streak, she authorized a campaign ad likening herself to him -- under appreciated, maligned for his faith, yet able to get it done. The problem was that by the time the ad hit the airwaves, Tebow had hit his dismal 3 game slide at the end of the season. A losing Tebow was of no use to her campaign. Losing Tebow wouldn't resonate or inspire the voters she was trying to court. Coupled with her losses in early primaries, the ad was the death knell of her campaign. If only she had held on a week, she could have milked it for all it was worth after his improbable win over Pittsburgh. But it would be useless again now after the loss to the Patriots.

Tim, I know you're not reading this but if you were (after asking you if you could get me a size large women's NFL Tebow jersey because they are sold out online), I'd want to tell you how very sorry I am to see you exploited so by conservative evangelicals. Exploitation by unbelievers is one thing, but when it is so called brothers and sisters in Christ, it's so much worse. They'll mostly leave you alone if you lose consistently next season. You'll be of no more use then to prop up their distorted prosperity gospel. Life makes better sense for Christians when Marian Barber's fumble and Prater's miraculous field goals are God's affirmation of you for your up front faith. But if you continue in that faith and lose miserably for any length of time, they won't know what to do with it. They don't know what to do with THAT God.

In reality, sometimes the greatest gifts God gives faithful Christians come in the form of losses. They that lose their life will find it, Jesus says. Losses often pave the way for His better gifts -- not gifts of things, but gifts of Himself.

Conservative evangelicals may not uniformly want that God, but, nevertheless, He's the One we've got. And there's something about Him that is infinitely better long term than the one who makes bad teams fumble and good teams win.

How Should Christian Women Who Value Submission Think of Vashti and Esther?

I've spoken in times past of my concerns about the things some complementarians say that I think actually undermine the position. As a Christian woman, I have learned to strongly value the words help, submit, and respect—at least when those terms are used the way God intended when He used them first in His Word. The more I embrace these words in my home, the more annoyed I get with teachers who are sloppy with the terms and sloppy with Scripture when trying to defend these concepts. And one place we do that is with the story of Vashti and Esther in the Old Testament.

So I ask the simple question, how SHOULD women who are IN Christ and IMAGE BEARERS of God read the book of Esther? Well, first, the way I've worded the question sets me up as an authority that I am not. Second, it sounds like you are obligated to agree with my analysis, but that's not true either. As I often say, this blog is just a lecture to myself, so I'm really only answering the question how should this Christian woman (me) who values submission think of Vashti and Esther. Maybe I'll say something here that the Spirit causes to resonate with you, and that's good too.

There are a few principles that help me navigate the story of Esther. First, I must remember with any story in Scripture the very great difference in DESCRIPTIVE and PRESCRIPTIVE passages. Many, many times in the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, we are given stories without commentary that we are not ever intended to embrace as examples to us. Don't cut up your concubine and spread her remains around the camp of those who murdered her. And please don't kill your daughter as a sacrifice just because she's the first one to walk out a tent after you make a vow to God. It's not a good idea to lay down in the middle of the night at the foot of the bed of a man whose attention you are hoping to land. And we don't prescribe that all widows move in with their mother in law and marry their husband's cousin just because the book of Ruth describes that scenario.

Second, Scripture is the best commentary on itself. We know from Genesis 2 that woman was created to be a strong helper in the image of God. That certainly reflects on Esther—she was strong for the children of God, helping to protect them by potentially sacrificing her own life to get the ear of the king. We also know from Genesis 3 that the curse among other things is that man oppresses woman (see here and here). Well, boy howdy, that certainly reflects on the story of Vashti and Esther. There is no indication of any virtue in the king towards women in that story. God's people are basically in captivity and the king demonstrates no faith in God. He's not the worst of kings, evidenced by the fact he didn't kill Vashti. But he's obviously feared—Esther keeps the fact she is Jewish secret from him at the start. And he is willing to wipe out an entire people, male and female, based on Haman's flimsy reasoning of their threat to his kingship. The king has a harem and concubines. There is nothing about him that reflects virtue or goodness.

In terms of Ephesians 5 and wifely submission, Esther does submit, but not to the king. She submits to Mordecai, who is neither her husband or father—when he says don't tell the king you're Jewish, she doesn't. When Mordecai encouraged her to defy the king's orders by approaching him about sparing the Jews, she does. In the end, there is nothing about Esther's story that can be reasonably construed as having anything to do with wifely submission in terms of Ephesians 5.

Here is what Esther teaches us as Christian women who value submission.

1) Nothing about submission.
2) Everything about the sovereignty of God.

Esther is a beautiful book, much like Ruth, on God's supernatural moving behind the scenes to preserve His people, particularly the line of the Messiah. To this end, Vashti's refusal is as much a part of God's sovereign plan to move Esther into the place where she could advocate for God's people as Esther's promotion to queen.

If you want to understand what God prescribes about help, submission, headship, and respect, don't read Esther for advice or example. However, the book of Esther has much to teach us about our sovereign Father in heaven who wrote a story before time began and declared it FINISHED on the cross. When we face uncertainties in life, the same God who is never mentioned in Esther is the same one flying under the radar at times in our life. He holds it all together though, and His plan will be accomplished.

Colossians 1 16 For by him (Jesus) all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. 17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Godliness with Contentment

After posting the top 5 posts with readers for 2011, I started thinking about the top posts for ME. Of all the lessons the Lord taught me last year, what most defined my year? What most changed me? Working through the idea of righteous anger and coming to the strong conviction that “righteous anger” is not a Biblical principle, was a big one for me. It's changed how I respond to things. It doesn't make me less resolved to stand against oppression, though. The Christian's call to strong advocacy for the oppressed and marginalized in society was another important lesson in 2011 for me. Tim Keller's Generous Justice helped me on this topic with it's clear exposition of passage after passage on the Christian's call to social justice from Scripture.

But of all the lessons from last year, without a doubt, the concept that has most changed me is the phrase godliness with contentment from I Tim. 6:6 and the subsequent study I did of it in preparation for a women's conference on contentment last April.

I Tim. 6:6-8
6 But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. 7 For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. 8 If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.

At first, this just sounds like another obligation to add to the long list of obligations I already have. “Great—it's not enough just that I be godly. Now I've got to be content too.” Is it an obligation? Is it something I need to do or be? What does the phrase godliness with contentment mean, and how is it even possible?

The Hebrew term for godliness, eusebia, means devotion or piety. Synonyms would be respect, veneration, or devotion.

You are devoted to God – you are aligned with Him, you keep a posture toward Him. You love Him. And most of us reading a blog on theology for women probably generally consider ourselves devoted to God. In an honest assessment of ourselves, we really do love Him. But you can be godly, showing reverence, piety, and devotion to God and His things, you can love Him from a sincere, pure heart without being content. The one doesn't imply the other. There are godly people, devoted to God, who are not content. And that is not particularly great gain.

It makes sense to me that these are distinct. My problem isn't that they are separate, but that they seem mutually exclusive. They seem completely incompatible. There are facets of devotion and piety toward God, i. e. godliness, that seem to fundamentally war with my idea of contentment. What godly person is going to be content with this life? As pious, godly, devoted believers, we're called to pray that His kingdom come. Yet we live in a world where we are constantly faced with all the ways His kingdom is not yet fully realized – sickness, death, suffering, and sin. It's the already, but not yet nature of the kingdom of God.

Hebrews 2:8 (of Jesus) ...putting everything in subjection under his feet.” Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him.

Everything is subject to Jesus, but we do not yet see everything subject to Him. That's our reality. Where in your life is the kingdom of God not yet fully realized? Where in your life is there this disconnect between what God says is GOOD and desirable vs. your reality?

Many of you have experienced infertility or the loss of a child. You love God and desire to raise children for His glory. He himself calls them a blessing. Yet this righteous kingdom desire is unfulfilled, and you ache as you process it.

Maybe you're a wife who wants to honor God in your marriage, but your husband undermines and deflates you constantly. Your love of God draws you to raise your children to love Christ. Yet your husband is at best apathetic and maybe even actually hostile to Christianity.

Or maybe you are a single woman living in a state that God Himself in perfection says is “not good.” You have a piety and devotion toward God yet daily experience a loneliness that is far from the community for which He created us to enjoy in perfection.

Maybe you're a daughter whose parents are close to divorce. You long for them to embrace God's plan for their marriage yet daily watch the two people you most love in this world wound and sin against each other.

The examples could go on and on.

“God how do I be content with THIS?!” Really, You want me to be content in the midst of THIS sin? THIS suffering? THIS conflict? THIS thing that is not like You?”

It's one thing to be content with your bank account or your clothing options. But how do you reconcile godliness with contentment when your parents divorce? Your church splits? Your husband leaves? Your child rebels? Or when none of them ever show up in your life in the first place?

Am I really supposed to be content in the midst of all these things in my life that do not yet reflect God's kingdom and God's goodness?

Godliness and contentment seem mutually exclusive in such situations.

The other word in this phrase is contentment. The Greek word autarkeia means a condition of life in which no further aid or support is needed, or a condition in life in which you have sufficient supplies for the needs of the moment. It is used one other place in the New Testament. There it is translated sufficiency.

2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed;

Sufficiency – you have what you need. You have adequate provision, adequate supplies.

In a world of people and situations that consistently miss the mark of God's perfection and all He intended us to be as His image bearers in Eden, you and I have adequate, sufficient supplies for this season. For this struggle. We have something that bridges the gap between what our piety and devotion to God calls us to long for and the reality of our experience at this very moment. We have a bridge between our godly longing and our fallen reality that sufficiently equips us to deal with each struggle.

It is the gospel.

The gospel is the bridge. God has done something through the life, death, and resurrection of Christ by which He is able to make “all grace abound to you.” He has done something through Christ that sufficiently equips you so that you are abundantly supplied for every good work He has called you to do.

Gospel grace sufficiently supplies you when your husband fails you. Gospel grace sufficiently supplies you to face unreconciled conflict between Christians. Gospel grace sufficiently supplies you when your parents divorce, your children rebel, or your friend rejects you. Gospel grace sufficiently supplies us in our suffering over sickness and death. And it also sufficiently supplies us to face our suffering over sin—our sin and others' sins against us.

Gospel grace is the bridge to contentment, or the gospel is the bridge to this confidence in His sufficient supply for us in this very moment—though there is a grand void between the Garden of Eden and our backyard as it stands right now. But the terms gospel, grace, gospel-centered, grace-based, and such phrases are more often thrown out than accurately defined. I don't want to use the gospel as a buzz word. So I need to flesh out what I mean when I say the answer is the gospel.

I grew up in very conservative churches, learning short pithy sayings that “summed up” the gospel. I took evangelism classes so I could walk someone through the “Romans' Road” and memorized 5 step flip charts at Christian camp. Now, looking back, I realize that I could only articulate a PART of the gospel. Each presentation focused on the universal nature of our debt (all have sinned and come short of the glory of God) and Christ's payment of our sins on the cross. They focused on the value of Christ's DEATH for me. But they didn't focus on the value of His LIFE. Over the years, I have come to understand that the good news of Christ is not just that, through Jesus, my debt to God is canceled. God did not JUST bring my account up to zero, but He also lavished positively His grace on me, crediting to my account Christ's righteousness.

2 Corinthians 5:21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

I had an infinite debt to God. I was by nature deserving of His wrath, Paul says in Ephesians 2, dead in my sins unable to save myself. I have benefitted greatly from Christ's death, the penal substitution. But I can't begin to articulate the benefits to me from His LIFE, this imputed righteousness. Christ's righteousness is in my spiritual bank account now. And that is every bit as precious as the payment for my sin. Think of an inmate deserving the long sentence he received. Then, by the mercy of the judge and sacrifice of another, the inmate's sentence is paid in full. He gets to walk out of jail a free man. Yet, he's broke. Sure, he's grateful that he no longer has a debt to society, but he faces a long, daunting road. He can't even buy lunch. He can't pay a taxi to take him home (if he even has a home). If he doesn't have someone outside who's watching out for him, he can't even pay for a hotel room for the night. He's set up for failure. He's set up to return to a life of crime. His only hope is to pull himself up from the bootstraps. But pitfalls surround him, and he has virtually no safety structure to keep him from utterly failing. And so is the very great difference between a view of the gospel that ends with penal substitution and one that also strongly embraces imputed righteousness.

Paul teaches this view of the gospel in Ephesians. He starts off with a bang – in Christ, you are blessed with EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING. And he goes through them all, praying at the end of Ephesians 1 that we'd really come to understand this inheritance in our accounts and power at work on our behalf. Then he gets into the fact that we were dead in our sins, by nature deserving of God's wrath, alienated from God. I think Paul understands, under the Spirit's inspiration, that we NEED to know our bank account is full and that we have resources. Just being spared death does not prepare you for life.

God didn't bring me just to dead even. But now, in Christ, I have an abundant surplus in my account because God sees me wearing Christ's robe of righteousness. I AM RIGHTEOUS! And not by works of my own. God has lavished this righteousness to my account fully by His mercy and grace, and I can REST in it. This is the gospel.

Now re-read 2 Cor. 9:8 in that context.

2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed;

So here you are in this moment where your godliness, your devotion to God and desire for His kingdom to come, seems at war with your reality. And God says, “No, you can rest. You are sufficiently supplied by My grace. I have blessed you with EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING there is. You have a spiritual bank account that is full. You are now equipped to face this struggle head on. You have an abundance to draw from for the good deeds that I am calling you to.”

Now, in Christ, I am the inmate set free from my well-deserved sentence who has the bank account and resources of a child of the king. I have RESOURCES for every spiritual need that comes my way. When I am provoked to anger with my children, I have spiritual resources. When I am sinned against by a friend, I have spiritual resources. When my church has conflicts, I am equipped. When my parents sin, I am equipped. When my husband fails me, I am equipped. When loved ones suffer, I am equipped. When loved ones sin against me, I am equipped. Paul says that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is the power at work in me!

A few years ago, I walked with friends through a confluence of really ugly circumstances—things that seemed like the exact opposite of the kingdom of God coming. I remember sitting across from one of my friends on the sofa in her living room in the first week of a really ugly, painful abandonment by her husband, praying to God in desperation – “How do I reconcile this? How are You good in this? Where is the gospel in this?” In that moment, the word content sounded sounded profane. I couldn't tell her to be content with this circumstance. Her husband just abandoned their children in the ugliest way possible. Be content with this thing that is so unlike God and what He tells us to long for?! It truly sounded profane to even suggest such a thing.

Yet, I knew IN THEORY there was something in Christ's life, death, and resurrection that was supposed to speak into this. To transform this. That was in February. In May, my aunt was murdered after coming home from Sunday church. I can't even begin to unpack here the wrestling between godliness and contentment in my heart provoked by that one act by a violent kid none of us knew. This was in conjunction with an intense conflict between Christian friends that resulted in what seemed like the exact opposite of God's kingdom coming and His will being done on earth as it is in heaven. In the midst of all that, I was writing By His Wounds You Are Healed, my study of Ephesians, and I was becoming intimately acquainted with Paul's presentation of the gospel (both Christ's payment of our sins and the lavish grace applied to our account) and then his prayer at the end of Ephesians 1.

18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might 20 which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,

This became my wrestling place. Open my eyes to my hope in the gospel. Open my eyes to the riches in my account. Open my eyes to the power at work, the same power that raised Christ from the dead. God, these things are not like You. How do I love you and long for Your kingdom to come and be content with this? Am I supposed to encourage my friends to be content with this? And if by contentment I mean a passive acceptance, then NO, I'm not supposed to passively accept this. This is not God's kingdom. It's not OK. But if by contentment I mean that I have faith that God has adequately supplied me and you through Christ's life and death and resurrection; that He has sufficiently equipped me and you by lavishing on us a spiritual bank account with great equity to face this head on; that the same power that rose Christ from the dead is now the power supernaturally at work in us, equipping us to deal with these struggles—if THAT's contentment, then I understand why devotion to God coupled with that confidence is GREAT GAIN.

And that is my testimony. There was great gain to be had in all these struggles. It wasn't immediately obvious. It was counterintuitive. And yet I can look back now on the worst of times and see how God gave us great gifts of Himself throughout. The gain may seem intangible to others, but it was real to me. And my friend that I mentioned would gladly give the same testimony.

Godliness with contentment does not mean pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. If that phrase fills you with guilt, you are missing the point. The gospel doesn't obligate me to contentment; it equips me for contentment. The gospel equips you and I to do battle with sin and suffering with the very same power that raised Christ from the dead. We have a lavish spiritual bank account, and this is integral to the very good news of all Christ's life and death has accomplished for us. And devotion to God coupled with this confidence in His sufficient supply is GREAT GAIN.

2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed;

Top 5 Posts of 2011

As we often do at the end of the year, I've been reviewing 2011 and what's happened on this blog. Most notable to me, what started as my lectures to myself has become something that seems meaningful to many more people than I ever expected to reach. The blog has over 2000 subscribers, and that makes me think. I am literally a pajama blogger, sitting in my housecoat right now listening to my boys playing in their bedroom as I type this. Who am I, and why do people want to read what I write?! My husband tells me regularly (so I don't get distracted by the larger, often irrelevant debates that go on around conservative evangelical blogs) that the key to this website is authenticity and honesty about the real issues facing women who love Jesus and His Word while living in a fallen world. I note that articles on these topics are the ones that seem to resonate with you, the reader. It's significant to me that the #1 post this year was on the pain of singleness, and the #2 post was on the need for gospel grace for mothers of infants and toddlers.

Here are the top 5 commented posts of 2011 (along with two articles that included free book giveaways--book giveaways skew results). I've enjoyed rereading them and contemplating why they resonated with readers. Hope they bless you as we enter the New Year!

#5 Protection or Inoculation?
... My other friend noted that, while growing up, his parents often had destitute people in their home for a season. He remembered watching a prostitute doing drugs in his home. And he noted the marked difference in his heart from learning of sin by witnessing firsthand the ugly consequences verses learning of sin via entertainment forms that usually sanitize it of its ugly consequences.

That conversation has provoked much thought for me. My children are going to be exposed to sin. Plus they are sinners themselves. I actually feel fairly equipped to navigate the sin within. I understand how the gospel equips us to face that head on. But now that I've gotten that biggie settled in my mind, I'm thinking anew about equipping them for the sin without. I have enough experience with cloistered Christianity to know that it is no savior from the sins of society. Yet I'm not naïve about the effects of unbridled exposure either.


#4 Counterintuitive Words of Comfort for the Hurting
I am beginning to see that the primary point of long periods of silence by God during our earthly sorrows and suffering is that we show His worthiness of our belief and trust based fully on who He is and not on what things He gives us. Satan can't believe we would trust God just based on His character and not on the blessings on earth He gives us. That's Satan's taunt--"They only worship you because you are good to them. They'd never worship you if you didn't answer their prayers and take care of them like they expect." The truth is that true faith doesn't worship God because God is good but because God is God.

#3 For Moms, Former Moms, and Wannabe Moms
Mother's Day is a tricky holiday. Like any holiday, it is sweet for some and bitter for others. For some, it’s both. I remember feeling on the outside looking in on Mother’s Day, first as a single woman and then after I miscarried our first. Our church had an entrance near the nursery called the Family Entrance. Could I use it? Were we a family? I finally just used it regardless, almost as an act of defiance. Now as the mother of a 4 and 6 year old, I can deeply appreciate someone setting aside parking near an entrance that kept me from having to walk my toddlers across a busy intersection. But at the time I was dealing with emotions that weren’t swayed by practical realities. I just wanted to be a mom. And that sign at the church entrance reminded me I wasn’t.

#2 Give US Grace – parenting advice for moms of infants and toddlers
I wish someone had told me years ago that the person that most needed grace in those early years with infants and toddlers was MYSELF. The baby and toddler years are TOUGH. They are very different from the early school years, though they too have their struggles. The toddler years are crazy, and we need different expectations of our parenting in those early years.

#1 It isn't Good to be Alone
My experience is that there comes a moment as a single woman where it just stops being fun. Where you are done with the single scene, worn out by meat markets, and frustrated by well meaning but insensitive friends or family who keep suggesting the wrong guys to you. I remember feeling like I needed to talk myself into marrying someone that friends thought was good for me but who made me feel like dying inside personally. Was he my last chance at happiness? Being a Christian single woman is hard!

***(These next two got lots of comments, but perhaps that was because of the free book giveaway)

The Myth of the Biblical Parenting Method
... In contrast, I have read many great gospel-centered parenting books, but the really good ones seem to understand that a gospel-centered approach doesn't lend itself well to specific, quantifiable methods. Examples are different than methods, by the way. A good author who understands the difference in the gospel and law guards themselves from breaking down the line between what worked for them (example) and what will work for you (method), between what they found helpful and what they project onto you that all good parents should do.

Review of Half the Church by Carolyn Custis James
James' books always provoke me to think, and this book does it as well as any. If you're a complementarian conspiracy theorist, this book is not for you. I know some folks think James is out to undermine complementarian teaching, but I actually have benefitted from some of the push back she subtly gives. She married later in life and had problems having children. I can identify with sincerely valuing and longing for marriage and children, yet being thwarted from each by the sovereign hand of God. That experience opened my eyes to the flawed ways we present women's issues in Scripture, which I've talked about many times on this blog. I think James' experience is similar.

Thoughts on Tebow, SNL, and Jesus

I love Tim Tebow. I really love watching his interviews. I enjoyed him on Sound FX after the Broncos win over Chicago, singing Our God is an Awesome God as he ran on the field for their final winning drive. I love Tebow's heart. He encourages me. But I'm concerned that I'm going to exploit him by using him as the topic for a blog post. He of course gets exploited by unbelievers. That's par for the course. But his exploitation by believers really annoys me. Sarah Palin's and Rick Perry's references to him to promote their political campaigns just seems the worst kind of exploitation. It didn't benefit Tebow to be associated with Palin or Perry, but it certainly benefited them. But now I'm using his name in my blog post. I don't often talk about individuals in a post, unless I'm reviewing a book or linking to a sermon. So I've thought a lot about what the tone of this post should be if I'm going to use an individual name of a brother in Christ. He's a person, not a phenomenon, and I don't take that lightly.

Tim's name gets used and exploited for other's benefit quite a bit. Consider the Saturday Night Live Jesus and Tebow skit. That really outraged a lot of people. I don't like to see Jesus' name or likeness used in a flippant way. Yet, there was something about that skit that reminded me of the amazing incarnation we celebrate this season--of the wonderful difference in Jesus and, say, Mohammed. If SNL did a skit with a character dressed up as Mohammed, fundamentalist muslims would put a fatwa on their head. Just ask Salman Rushdie. Jesus isn't just a prophet like Mohammed. He's actually God incarnate. Even so, there will be no Rushdie type ultimatum against SNL because of their Jesus skit (though Pat Robertson may try). This is not the first time Jesus has been mocked. Most notable is the mockery Jesus endured in person, and His infinitely gracious response, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” Our ever gracious God made a way for the very ones who mock Him to be forgiven and restored.

Tim Tebow has been an example to me of this kind of Jesus-like graciousness. When the Detroit Lions defense mocked him during their game, he endured it and responded with graciousness. When Brian Urlacher called him a good running back, Tebow didn't take it as an offense. He turned the other cheek, so to speak. He has not risen to the taunts that have bombarded him since his years at Florida. He's characterized by graciousness to his enemies and care for the poor and oppressed. In contrast, Sarah Palin is not known for either. And when Christians who are not famous for their Christ-like graciousness or self-sacrificial care of the oppressed try to tag along on Tebow's reputation for their own cause, well, it makes me indignantly angry. I have convictions about not acting out on such anger, even if I feel it is righteous. But I don't think it's wrong to say that it makes me angry.

To be truthful, I'm not very much like Tebow either. The thing I most love about Tebow (and that I pray daily that the Lord protects in him) is his transparent, moment by moment walk with His Savior. Short prayer here. Short prayer there. “Praise Jesus” at the beginning of every interview. “God bless” at the end. Singing praise songs during warm up and then after a big play when everyone else is screaming and jumping up and down. Two verses immediately come to mind.

Matthew 10:32 So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven,

John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

I used to be more outwardly enthusiastic. I used to better wear my relationship with Jesus on my sleeve. I thought I was naive in my youth and attributed the tempering of that enthusiasm to maturity. I was settling down and getting to work on the mundane, tedious aspects of life, or so I thought. Someone has to endure quietly in the trenches, right?! And there is some truth to that. But I think cynicism has played a role in the change too. Cynics are those who believe the worst about people and circumstances. If an event could be interpreted in more than one way, the cynic chooses the worst interpretation and labels as naïve those who choose the best. Tebow is reminding me that there is more than naivety that calls us to believe the best.

I Cor. 13: 5-8 … (love) is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

It's not naivety that calls us to give the benefit of the doubt and put off resentment. It isn't naivety that calls us to rejoice in the truth and believe the best. It's God Himself in His Holy Word. So, thanks Tim, for reminding me of some very important Bible truths. I'm praying that God protects this in you, win or lose.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

We just moved into a new home, and I've found myself very, very discontent. We had good reasons for moving out of our old home, and our new house fits the criteria for which we were looking. I wasn't sure that it would work out for us to get this one, and I prayed and prayed for God to work it out. On paper, it seemed exactly right. God did work it out, and I thanked Him for it.

Then we moved in. I tend to fix my vision on a momentous point in time and get disappointed afterwards that everything didn't resolve the way I thought it would. I KNEW my tendency to think something like a move into a new house would solve various problems, and I prepared myself not to do that this time. Yet, here I am on the other side of it, and sure enough, I have problems. I feel as unsettled in my “home” as ever. And instead of feeling prepared because, of course, I knew this wouldn't solve life's struggles, I'm sick with longing to move back into the house we had.

Sarah Groves has a song about “painting pictures of Egypt, leaving out what it lacked.” Like the Israelites, it's easy to look back at what I had, forgetting the real reasons we had for moving. The funny thing about the Israelites is that, in Egypt, they were SLAVES. Yet once they were actually free, the regular food they received in bondage seemed better than freedom in the wilderness.

Not only am I discontent, I'm discontent with something that really is very nice. I'm thankful for friends who let me unload on them without making me feel like a whiner, but I have many loved ones around me struggling with real things—critically sick children, bankruptcy, spouses leaving the faith. And I feel very guilty that I'm struggling with such a lesser burden. I keep reminding myself that it could be so much worse. “Be thankful. Look around at what you DO have!” But guilt doesn't help me at all. I can't say it enough--guilt doesn't help me resolve this in my heart AT ALL.

The truth is that the Israelites, even after they were freed from Egypt, STILL weren't in the promised land. They were still sojourners, trekking through the wilderness. That's the principle that seems to draw me back to emotional stability and endurance. I am discontent because this world is not my home. Not my old house. Not my new house. And not that other house that I thought was so peaceful and inviting that didn't work out either. I am longing for something more than any house could possibly give me. I'm longing for peace. And security. For stressless relationships. To be with the One I love and Who loves me. I'm longing for sunshine and provision. For joy and REST.

I know where this is found. I wrote about John 6 here. Jesus says there,

54 Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. 55 For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. 56 Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. 57 As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like the bread the fathers ate and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.

I long for true food and true drink, for true satisfaction and true rest. I long for true HOME. It's the already, but not yet aspect of the Kingdom of God. Jesus has come, and in this very moment, I can feast on Him and LIVE. I am already seated with Him in the heavenly places, my permanent, peaceful home. Yet, I still live here on earth in a tent. I don't see Him face-to-face as I type these words.

The solution to my discontent is to embrace the tension. This world is not my home, and I am seated with Him in the heavenly realm. He is my manna in the wilderness, and I feast on Him through prayer and Bible study. I can then receive from this earthly home what it can provide and not look to it to provide what it can not. Only then do the seeds of peace and rest start to bloom in my heart.

Guilt did nothing for me. Meditating on Christ did.

On Lonely Christmases

This is the 3rd year I've posted some variation of the following thoughts for Christmas. I'm tempted to come up with something more positive and inspirational. If you're not personally enduring a long season of loss, I suspect I sound like Debbie Downer through the last few posts. Yet, I remain convinced that nothing drives us to authentic faith in Jesus like desperation. And I know and love so many desperate people right now.

The trial of our faith works patience. Patience. Endurance. Perseverance. These are as important virtues in the Christian walk as the more popular peace or temperance. The holidays each year draw our attention clearly to the passage of time and highlight our need for endurance.

I have spent my fair share of Christmases crying under the Christmas tree in the dark, staring at the lights on the tree dreaming of the Christmas I want, rather than the Christmas I have. This Christmas, it's stressful (we just moved and our house is still a chaotic mess), yet it's a good stress, and I thank God that I don't foresee crying under the tree this year. But I've had enough lonely Christmases in the past, longing for something different, to respect the fact that for many of you who follow this blog, the Christmas season puts a harsh spotlight on the losses in your life. Perhaps you lost something you had -- a child, a spouse, a parent, a relationship. Perhaps you feel the loss of something you long to have but have not yet gotten to hold – a child, a husband.

The holiday season makes it very clear exactly what we are longing for and exactly what we are mourning. It is especially hard to distract ourselves from our losses during this season. If you find yourself in this place, with the spotlight shining on your losses so that you can not escape the pain whether sitting under the tree, singing a carol, buying a gift, or opening a present, here are some thoughts from someone who has been there before.

1) Your loss is real, and it is OK to feel it deeply. But know also that you are not alone in your loneliness. Despite what you likely sense, most others are not enjoying the holidays unconditionally. There is not something wrong with you. Or actually, there is something wrong, but there is something wrong with all of us. So don't let the feelings of loss, loneliness, and isolation go unanswered in your own head. You may feel that you are alone and no one else understands the weight of the loss you carry through the holidays, but the truth is that MANY of your brothers and sisters in Christ are carrying such burdens, and you are not alone in your loss. Feel your loss, for it is real. But fight Satan when he tempts you to isolate yourself or distance yourself from others because of it.

2) Holiday pain can also clarify what you do have. Forget turkeys and cranberry sauce, gifts given and received. Stocking stuffers are over rated. Instead, understand that your circumstances also shine a spotlight on Christ. When you aren't distracted by Christmas frivolities (or enamored by them, as many of us are), you can recognize the void that can only be filled by one thing -- Christ Himself. It was during lonely Christmases that I discovered Colossians 1 and sat under a tree reading it to myself. It sustained me, not just for a season, but I've gone back to that passage for a lifetime.

Colossians 1 tells us exactly Who arrived in the manger that night. As the holidays spotlight the pain of your losses, I encourage you to let God's description of His Son shine an alternate spotlight on all you have in Him this season.

15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16 For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. 17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. 19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.

21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,

Wherever you are this season, daughter of God and bride of Christ, I hope this vision of the eternal One you have in Christ will sustain you during lonely times. You are loved and wanted by Christ. You do have a family, in every idealistic sense of the term. It is in Him and with Him. That truth won't erase the pain of your very real loss this holiday season, but may it be the balm that soothes and comforts you, for by His wounds, you are healed.

Where else would I go?!

The last two weeks, our pastors have preached from John 6. I highly recommend their sermons. Here's the one from Nov. 27. I'm waiting on the link to the other. I went home from church and read John 6 again. It's a pivotal moment in Jesus' ministry, and God struck me with the significance for my own life as I reread it. Consider the scene.

The people have a felt need. They are hungry, and Jesus provides abundantly—with baskets and baskets left over. It's amazing, incredible provision! The people quickly move to make Him king. Who wouldn't, right?! This PROVIDER is what they've been looking for. Or so they think. But Jesus understands their purpose and eludes them. When they finally catch up to Him, He rocks their understanding of Him.

25 When they found him on the other side of the sea, they said to him, "Rabbi, when did you come here?" 26 Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. 27 Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal." 28 Then they said to him, "What must we do, to be doing the works of God?" 29 Jesus answered them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent." 30 So they said to him, "Then what sign do you do, that we may see and believe you? What work do you perform? 31 Our fathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, 'He gave them bread from heaven to eat.'"

Jesus points out to them that they seek Him now, not because He's doing the signs of the Messiah, but simply because He provided great, free food. They hear His rebuke and seem to want to understand.

32 Jesus then said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. 33 For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." 34 They said to him, "Sir, give us this bread always."

Still more earnest desire to understand. Bread of heaven?! That sounds good. What is that?!! We want that!

35 Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

Jesus Himself is the bread of heaven, the eternal sustenance. When the people believe in Jesus, they won't need signs or healing or miraculous provisions of food. He's not there to provide them with felt needs, but to provide them with LIFE.

41 So the Jews grumbled about him, because he said, "I am the bread that came down from heaven." 42 They said, "Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How does he now say, 'I have come down from heaven'?" 43 Jesus answered them, "Do not grumble among yourselves. 44 No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day. … 47 Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life. 48 I am the bread of life. 49 Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. 50 This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. 51I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh."  52 The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, "How can this man give us his flesh to eat?"

They continue to grumble and dispute what He's saying. It makes no sense to them. It doesn't fit their paradigms. Instead of backing down, He takes it up a notch.

53 So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. … 60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, "This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?" …
 66 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. 67 So Jesus said to the Twelve, "Do you want to go away as well?" 68 Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, 69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God."

When I finished reading this chapter, I shut off the lights and stared out the window at the night sky for a while. I understood clearly what the Spirit was communicating to me. God has worked miraculously in my life many, many times. Incredibly. Abundantly. I recounted some of it in the introduction of my first book. But for a few years now, I've felt a bit in the desert. I've identified more with Habakkuk than the feeding of the 5000. I've felt more like Hagar and less like Ruth (and that does not reflect at all on my loving husband – just fyi). I resonate more with the Psalms of lament than the Psalms of thanksgiving. And I've waited and waited on God to move like He used to. I KNOW He heals the sick. I've seen Him heal the sick. Yet He's allowed me to live for four years with chronic pain. I KNOW He changes hearts. I've watched Him change hearts. Yet I've waited for years for loved ones to repent and repair with those they've wronged. I KNOW He provides. I've seen Him provide. Yet I now watch friends file bankruptcy and lose homes.

The Spirit whispers, “It's time, Wendy. It's time for a faith that isn't tied to what God will physically do for you or those you love.” Habakkuk had an incredible faith, yet His articulation of it in Habakkuk 3 threatens me more than it inspires me. But it's when the barns are empty and the crops fail that we become desperate. And desperation is what pushes us to feed on Jesus alone. Pure desperation. Things are critical. I'm at my last resort. I'm out of options. The things I used to rely on (often without even realizing it) are shown to be completely ineffective. But I don't walk away. Where else would I go?! I know in that moment who has the words of LIFE, and I desperately want LIFE.

Jesus may be done with exciting provisions in my life. Maybe not, and I will receive them with great thanksgiving if they come again. They were so helpful to my early faith when they did come, and I am grateful for His miraculous past provision even as I receive this season of quiet from His hand moving on my behalf. This season, it's not about His hand. It's about His face. It's not about feasting on His physical provision. It's about feasting on His spiritual provision at a whole new level. I'm understanding faith in a new and different way. It doesn't make faith during amazing provision any less real, but it's different now. And there is something precious in the difference. I don't worship Him because He provides. I worship Him because there is NO ONE and NOTHING ELSE. As Jesus said,

63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

I echo with Peter, “Where else would I go? You have the words of eternal life. You are the Holy One of God. I believe."

A Habakkuk 3 Kind of Thanksgiving

Habakkuk 3
17 Though the fig tree should not blossom,
   nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
   and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
   and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
    I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19 GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the deer’s;
   he makes me tread on my high places.

Holidays can be the hardest times of the year. One friend recently recounted leaving a church service at Thanksgiving because he just couldn't put up with everyone's thankful testimonies when so much was going wrong in his life. Thanksgiving became a catalyst for his crisis of faith. He's emerged from that season, praise God. But I heard him clearly. When you are hurting, American Thanksgiving in conservative Christian culture can be salt on an open wound.

I have a lot of friends who are hurting right now. Financial crises. Spiritual crises. Physical crises. Children walking away from the Lord. Spouses walking away from the Lord. It's a Habakkuk 3 kind of Thanksgiving.

I thank God for including Habakkuk 3 in His inspired Word to us. He's preserved these words, written in an altogether different time and culture. They were words of faith in a barren wasteland when they were first written. And despite the very different political and economic circumstances we face today as 21st century believers, they are words of faith in a barren wasteland for us too.

Words of faith in a barren wasteland. The fig trees aren't blossoming. In fact, there's no fruit on any trees. No field is producing anything. And as if that's not enough, the animals aren't producing either. The stalls are empty. The flocks are cut off. It's barren. The sheer number of things that have gone wrong are evidence not of coincidence. No, we are too familiar with the abilities of our sovereign God to believe this many things going wrong at once is just chance. And THAT escalates our crises of faith. God, have You turned away from me? I'm following You. I love You. I'm serving You. Where ARE You?!

For us in the barren wasteland asking where God is, He answers us from Habakkuk 3. I am here, child. I am here in my Word, communicating to you that you are not the first of my children to spend extended time in the wasteland. You are not alone. And as Habakkuk found me in the wasteland, I am here for you too. There is still joy to be had in me. Take it! Take joy from Me. In Me. I am still, even in the barren wasteland, offering My strength to you. I will make you graceful like a deer in this awful season, standing firm in treacherous places.

Jobs come, and jobs go. Fig trees blossom. Fig trees die. Loved ones grow in faith. Loved ones walk away. But God is transcendent. And we really do, even in the wasteland, have something for which to be very, very thankful. I tell it to myself often--as bad as your circumstances seem on this day, God has not left you as an orphan. He knows where you are, and He has met you there in His Word. Take this day the joy that He freely offers you in Him.

Women Saved Through Childbearing?!

Last week I posted a short encouragement to moms of infants and toddlers. I average 200 or so visitors to the blog daily. I've had a few times on this blog that daily visitors have spiked over 1000. The Gospel Coalition has picked up a few of my posts. I posted a few articles on Desiring God, and hits to the blog spiked then too. But after the post for moms of infants and toddlers, no major source picked up the blog article. Even so, hits to my blog were at an all-time high. Over 450 (*now it's 500) individuals shared the article on Facebook—most definitely an all-time high for this blog. I pondered all of this. No major evangelical outlets picked up this article. It didn't stand out to them, and I respect that. Yet, for the moms in the trenches, it struck a major nerve.

Moms in the trenches—now there's a demographic. You're not the soccer moms. More the spit-up moms. The poop moms. The keep-them-from-swallowing-poison-today moms. Raising these little ones has exposed in us something raw and needy. Childbearing. Child rearing. It is not for the faint of heart.

A few years ago, I sat through a Mother's Day sermon that made me cringe at the onset. The pastor announced his passage, and I wanted to walk out. It was 1 Timothy 2:15.

“Yet she will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.“

Come on, Pastor?! Don't you know better than to go there?!! Paul sounds like such a sexist there. And, yet, on this particular Sunday, the message ended up being a real encouragement to me. I finally got the point of Paul’s words. I’m sure it helped that I was the mother of 2 young boys stuck in the trenches. As I listened to the pastor’s explanation in light of my own experiences as a young, naïve, but earnest mother, the Spirit made some things clear to me from this passage.

I grew up thinking the term “saved” referred simply to that one point in time in which I walked down the isle of my church, repented of my sins, and publicly professed belief in Christ. That was “getting saved”. Once I “got saved”, that term had served its purpose in my life, and I needed to focus on other Christian obligations. As an adult, I’ve come to understand the broader way the Scripture uses the term salvation. Salvation is a process that follows me from the day I first understand my need for Jesus Christ (or more accurately, from before time began) until I sit at the Marriage Feast in heaven as the Bride of Christ. Scripture uses the terms justification, sanctification, and glorification to define this process. I was saved (justification). I am being saved (sanctification). And I will be saved (glorification).

The term saved encompasses our redemption from sin and reconciliation to God. The entire process is by God’s free grace through faith in Jesus Christ. It begins with justification—God opens my eyes to my need for Him, and I repent of my sin and place my faith in Jesus. God declares me righteous through Christ’s payment for sin on the cross, switching Christ’s perfection to my account and my sin to Christ’s account. But then I wake up the next morning, and I still struggle, quite consistently, with sin. This leads to sanctification—where slowly over time God roots out our sin and conforms us more and more to the image of Jesus Christ. It’s becoming in reality what God has already declared us to be in heaven—i. e. perfectly righteous. Glorification is the end—in heaven, God will present us to Jesus at the Marriage Feast in beauty and perfection. We will finally be in reality a Bride worthy of the Lamb.

But here I am now, a 40 something mother of 2 young boys, stuck right in the middle. I am justified—God has declared me righteous in heaven. I am reconciled to Him through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. But I’m still a sinner. In the midst of that, I begin the process of bearing (the Greek here indicates bringing into existence, forming, becoming, developing) children. For me, this process began years ago when I was a single woman who thought I may never get married and have kids. God was sanctifying me back then through my fear of never bearing children. One older single friend gave testimony to me of the great spiritual struggle she had to say goodbye to the children she would never bear. God rooted out much fear and wrong thinking in her life through that struggle. During the mother’s day sermon in question, the pastor made the point that single and infertile women shouldn’t feel excluded from I Tim. 2:15, because God still uses the issue of childbearing in their lives for their sanctification. I have heard from many women who struggle because they are unable to bear children. They too give testimony that God has used the issue of childbearing to sanctify them much.

Once I did get married, we got pregnant easily, miscarried, and then had problems getting pregnant again. Again, well before I ever physically bore a child, God was using the bearing of children to reveal to me my fears and unbelief. Then finally I had my beautiful boys. They daily bring me great joy. And God uses them daily to reveal to me my great sin. Before I got married, I had no idea how selfish and self-oriented I was. In marriage, I began to see it a little bit. But now, I am bombarded 100 times a day with the need to die to myself. I had NO IDEA I was so alive to myself in the first place. I’m also becoming increasingly aware of how little I trust God. It’s one thing to trust Him with my own safety. Another thing to trust Him with my grown husband. But to trust Him with my vulnerable, little boys?! God once again is rooting out my wrong views of His character and replacing them with the truth of His trustworthiness from His Word.

So, yes, I am being saved—redeemed from sin and conformed to His image—through the bearing, development, and formation of these boys. I realize that for the rest of my life, I will be the mother of these 2 boys. And for the rest of my life, God will use them to test my faith and reveal my wrong thinking, lack of trust, pride, and selfishness. This is my marathon, which is why Paul warned of the need for perseverance in I Timothy 2. God will use them to root out sin, but then He’ll replace it with the righteousness of Christ as He conforms me to His image. To the praise of His glorious grace.

2 Corinthians 3:18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

When Good Men Do Nothing

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke

It's been painful to watch the fallout of the Penn State sexual abuse scandal. The subject has inspired numerous Christian blog posts. One of the best I have read is from a Penn State Campus Crusade for Christ staffer. You can read it here. Probably enough has been said, yet unraveling the answer to the question of what causes good men and women to do nothing at times in the face of evil seems important to me.

I love football and have respected Joe Paterno as a coach over the years. It saddens me to see his incredible career end in such a way. What saddens me most is that I think, in terms of character, Joe Paterno is a respectable man. Yet, this respectable man allowed a very bad thing to go on under his nose. And not just him – there's a whole slew of men who should have known better who allowed the worst kind of abuse of a minor to happen on their watch. They closed their ears and turned away. How did that happen?!

Some have expressed concern about how Paterno and others have been treated in the wake of the allegations. I think this stems in part from the disturbing idea for many of us that we might have reacted exactly the same way. We too might have wrestled for days over what to report to higher ups and how to paint what we did report. We too might have let it go after doing the bare minimum needed to ease our conscience. I could easily see myself at certain stages of my life numbing my conscience on the issue with words like “Well, I reported it to my authority. I did what was required of me. I can't help it if they don't do more. I've done my responsibility.”

Penn State's football program is legendary. Joe Paterno ran a tight ship. The men in charge of that program--Athletic Director, Coach, Offensive Coordinator, Defensive Coordinator, and so forth--were respected and revered. They were obeyed. It was not unlike authoritarian church and ministry structures with which I have been involved over the years. In those systems, the good guys are the ones who respect authority. They buck it up and contribute even when they dislike an order. Respect, cooperation, and obedience to your superiors are fundamental to the entire system. I have empathy for the young graduate assistant who first witnessed his boss raping a minor in the locker room. I'm sure he was shocked and horrified. What do you do when your authority in this authoritarian system is the one doing this act? The GA didn't intervene. And I fear that when I was his age, I may not have intervened either. At least not immediately. Now 41 years old and the mother of children myself, no one could stop me if I witnessed that today. But back then, I valued respect of authority so much that I fear I would have been paralyzed in the moment, to my life long regret.

The graduate assistant finally told his dad, and his dad helped him tell Coach Paterno. Both seemed to meet their minimum legal requirement. Yet neither stopped the cycle of abuse that continued for several more years. Why? The Campus Crusade pastor points out in his article the deficiency of love for the victim. That is the fundamental, root issue. But a secondary issue is that they all thought they had more to lose by standing up strongly for the victims than they did by protecting the program. Obviously, they were very, very wrong and have lost much more by covering it up. The urge to stand up for a little guy none of them knew faded in the shadow of the behemoth that was the Penn State football program.

Good men do nothing a lot. Good women too. We do nothing sometimes out of self protection. But more often, I think we do nothing because we value protecting authoritarian systems more than we do standing up for the victim. I've experienced this before in various Christian ministries—a leader with authority does wrong. But the reputation of the institution and those associated with it seems more important than seeking justice for the one abused or oppressed. I could write out a long list of names of good men and women I know personally, men and women of proven character and good reputation, who did not stand up for victims and instead protected a program or ministry. I've done it myself at times. Rocking the boat didn't seem a Christian virtue in that moment.

Though good church people often value submission to authority over advocacy for the oppressed, God is clear on what we need to do with abusive authority.

Isaiah 1:17
 17learn to do good;
seek justice,
   correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
   plead the widow’s cause.

Psalm 82:3
Give justice to the weak and the fatherless;
   maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.

Psalm 10:18
to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed,
   so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.

Proverbs 31:9
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.

God calls us to step up for the poor and defenseless. Be aware of our propensity to turn away and hear clearly God's command to engage. And if you have been silent or turned away, humble yourself and make it right. If the gospel is truly our foundation in Christian ministry, we have hope for redemption and transformation when we choose humble responses that seek to correct our mistakes. Humble repentance, not defensiveness, is the absolute key to dealing with past failures, and meditation on God's strong admonition to do justice for the oppressed is key for the future.