Monday, July 28, 2014

The Harmful Teaching of Wives as their Husbands' Porn Stars

A few weeks ago, I wrote about pornography and the gospel after an elder at my church shared of his lifelong struggle with pornography. This elder's testimony helped me understand the destructive teaching on sex that I and many others sat under at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. Mars Hill's teaching on sex has been well exported nationally and even internationally, particularly since 2012 by way of Mark Driscoll's Real Marriage book. I believe addressing this might be widely helpful to the many readers of this blog who were previously exposed to this teaching at Mars Hill.

I have personally experienced a spectrum of teaching on sex in Christian circles. I grew up in churches and Christian ministries that, based on how they talked about sex, believed that sex was dirty and embarrassing. NOBODY ever talked about it in positive ways. As I approached marriage, I appreciated Ed Wheat's Intended for Pleasure which was the first time I heard from a believer a Biblical defense for pleasure in sex (or really any frank talk about sex at all). When I got to Mars Hill in Seattle, I valued the pleasure aspect of sex as a good gift from God to married couples. But Mark Driscoll's teaching was like Ed Wheat's on double batches of steroids. Of course Ed was writing to a different audience, more to those who had not previously experienced sexual freedom. Mark was speaking to men and women with much sexual experience. As my husband said in Our Review of Real Marriage, Mark is his target audience.

It's clear from Real Marriage that, in Mark's view, sex is the key, central element to a good marriage. And this would be consistent with everything I heard while attending Mars Hill as well. In Real Marriage, while there is mention of the gospel in a few paragraphs in Grace Driscoll's chapter on sexual abuse, probably 3/4 of the book deals specifically with sex in marriage. I noted in our review that if something happened physically to Grace, then, from Mark's own testimony of his sexual frustration in marriage, he would personally be sunk. Frequent sex with his wife without restraint saved their marriage, at least as he presents it in Real Marriage.

I felt dissonance in my heart with this teaching. I loved sex and valued pleasure in marriage, but the expectations Mark set up felt crushing – a standard I couldn't live up to. Then my pastor who taught on this subject this summer used a phrase that finally set me free – that pornography sets up a society “with crushing expectations regarding physical appearance and sexual performance.” Things clicked in my head at that moment. The weight of crushing expectations that I felt as a result of Mars Hill's teaching on sex wasn't a result of what the Bible said but of the pornographic background from which they stemmed. But was this just me?! Was this just my own personal, prudish reaction? 

Recently, many others have shared (unsolicited, by the way) with me the same insight. Here are testimonies from a few people particularly affected negatively by the crushing expectations presented by Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill's teaching on sex. One wife, who came from a background of horrific sexual abuse by her stepfather, shared how this teaching affected her when she came to Seattle as a newly married 21 year old.
“I'd never been treated with respect, and my body had been violated and abused constantly for years. I felt dirty and worthless as a person, because I was a female. 
I felt beaten down and further humiliated by Driscoll's view of women. The more I unpack the horrific things he said, the more I become convinced that (his teaching) is just the Christian-ese version of the evil perversion that I experienced being prostituted. Some of the things he said that have harmed me: it's the wife's fault if the husband looks at porn if she "lets herself go" or isn't skilled enough at sex, his obsession with talking about wives giving blow jobs and strip teases, the crass jokes, the frequent references to women being gossips and the dripping faucet/nagging wife thing, his descriptions of his marriage (Grace didn't read her own emails or have male friends or get to make decisions with him as a team) as the model for a great marriage, and his insistence that women existed exclusively as helpers to their husbands without the value to have passions/careers/opinions/etc. 
I'm an outspoken, feisty person. My husband is gentle and kind and easygoing. After I heard about the "shut your wife up or I'll shut her up for you," I spent years stifling my voice, afraid I'd get my loving husband "in trouble" with church leadership. All of this destroyed me because ... it was coming from a pastor in the pulpit. I trusted him because he kept preaching about needing to blindly trust your pastors, and I didn't want to disobey God. I feel like his teaching targets women from abusive backgrounds and screws them up further by insisting on trust and then spewing a skewed view of women. 
There was good healing that happened for me during my seven years at Mars Hill, primarily from my two beloved pastors (who are both no longer there). But all the love and care and good they poured into me didn't negate the damage done from the pulpit. I have a loving husband who treats me as an equal partner in our marriage. But somehow Driscoll's voice was louder. My husband has the ability to listen to any teaching, take the good, and brush off anything he thinks is wrong. I wish I had this ability, but I don't. When Driscoll says these things, they stab me in the heart, and I think I'm wrong, dirty, and a second class citizen in church and the world. 
My husband put it well - he said that the biggest pain point for him ... is that Driscoll claims to have a heart for hurting people, particularly women who have been sexually abused and raped. On the surface, Mars Hill is initially welcoming to people from my background. My husband thought we were going to be in a church that could help me heal from my childhood. But then Mark takes his access to a vulnerable population and exploits them by his crass view of sex, marriage, and gender roles. In my case, coming from a background of abuse, I didn't have the ability to realize that he was wrong and lying to me about how my God created me and sees me.
I found another comment, from a man, particularly helpful. His insight into himself helped me to understand how this teaching negatively affected men as well.
I was addicted to pornography for many years which was defiling to me, distorted my view of women, and ultimately defiled my wife. This is (part of) my sin. Mark’s teaching in many ways supported this view as women as sexual objects by using the same ‘construct’ of what a porn star, prostitute, or stripper does but applying it to the marriage bed. There is obviously a mix of my family history, spiritual oppression, some deep emotional wounds, and my own self-enslavement to sin. However, Mark’s distortion and perversion of the gospel, sex, and gender roles were almost a perfect support for enabling and justifying aspects of my selfishness while doing great damage to my marriage: 
- I was still embroiled in my sin during the first years of our marriage which deeply injured my wife and almost ended our marriage. 
- The expectation that my wife believed and I readily agreed to was that she was available to me for whatever, no matter what I did, whenever, and if she wasn’t I would probably end up doing worse
- Sex was often empty and emotionally painful. So Mark’s recommendation and my sinful silent agreement with the concept of your wife being your personal porn star was apt. Dead, meaningless sex 
- I did not take into account my wife’s opinions. I did not ask and she did not speak because she thought she should be silent and only encouraging like Mark taught.
Notice how in both of their testimonies, teaching on gender roles gets tainted by association with the wifely porn star view of sex. This is why I want to strongly call on my complementarian brothers and sisters in Christ to rouse themselves up to correct some of this stuff. Good teaching gets slammed when we ignore the taint of the bad.

Let me end this post with hope, with the beautiful, better way to approach this subject that I noted in my pastor's recent lesson on pornography and gospel community. While my church had previously learned in a different lesson about free, loving, pleasurable sex between a husband and wife, that was not brought up in the lesson about pornography at all. My pastor didn't present the solution to his lust as his wife becoming his own personal porn star. The answer for him was gospel community, and he focused on the care he had received from other elders at our church when he was struggling.

My pastor did not project onto his wife the responsibility to lessen his lust. A wife who pursued him sexually was not the answer to his struggle with porn. The gospel was the answer. And his wife's great contribution was ministering gospel grace to him as he struggled. His responsibility was finding other men who could encourage him and hold him accountable in loving ways when he was experiencing temptation.

This is a much healthier dynamic for both husbands and wives. The crushing expectations that accompany an addiction to pornography need to be dealt with separately from the marriage bed lest it taint the intimate, covenantal, pleasurable thing the marriage bed is supposed to be.

Tim Keller has some good teaching on the difference in lust and love. Check out this sermon.
Description: Lust exists, it is powerful, and we must respect its power. The Bible rejoices in sex and sexual desire, but lust is an impersonal, inordinate desire and an idolatrous search for meaning. Lust can be overcome if you esteem Jesus as your bridegroom and the lover of your soul.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Godly Sorrow Leads to Repentance

Bonhoeffer writes in his Cost of Discipleship:
"Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline. Communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ."
This week, Pastor Mark Driscoll published on Mars Hill Church's website a public 30 minute video on what he calls a season of learning in his life during which he is sorrowful and lamenting. Since he made this video public beyond his own church membership and many people are discussing it, even affirming it, I feel a strong need to address it. Because what Pastor Mark does in this video is one of the clearest examples I've ever seen of what the Apostle Paul calls “worldly sorrow.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 For godly sorrow produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly sorrow produces death.
When it comes to our personal responses to our own sin, these are the only two options. When faced with confrontation or other natural consequences of your sin, you can mourn your sin in a way that leads you to confess to God, change your direction, and repair with those you have hurt. And that response allows you to get up and go forward without regret. I've never once in my life met someone who REGRETTED bringing their sin into the light, confessing it honestly, and repairing with those they had wronged. Godly sorrow producing repentance is beautiful.

The second option when faced with painful consequences of your sin is worldly sorrow, grief and lament in response to the consequences of one's sin that does not understand and appropriate Christ's payment for it. Pastor Mark is not the first person who can (over)use Jesus' name in proper context who does not appropriate how the good news of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection speaks into the consequences of sin he is now facing at Mars Hill. Such people often want forgiveness. They want grace extended to them. And, in Christ, there is no condemnation according to Romans 8:1! Yet, the same Paul who wrote Romans 8:1 instructs us in Ephesians 5 to bring our sin into the light, because the light of Christ is a disinfectant. Expose the sin. Own the sin. Not to bring shame and condemnation but to bring restoration and healing! Any hope of “forgiveness” without clear, specific repentance is exactly what Bonhoeffer labels cheap grace. It's continuing in sin that grace may abound, to which Paul says, "God forbid!"

The indication for any one of us of godly verses worldly sorrow is summed up in one word – repentance. True repentance always starts with a specific naming of your sin, and it always includes a change in your ways. I love the definition of the Greek word for repent according to Strong – “to change one's mind for better, heartily to amend with abhorrence of one's past sins.” Godly sorrow that produces repentance will include statements along these lines – “I sinned against God and (name redacted). I have asked their forgiveness and am seeking to repair with them in the ways that I can. I am taking these steps to guard myself from doing the same in the future.” It always comes with a hearty desire to amend your ways with an abhorrence for how you sinned against God and others in the past.

I am writing this post because it is of utmost importance that people (believing and unbelieving) hearing Jesus' name understand the difference in worldly and godly sorrow. I am very grieved that Mars Hill Church uses the name of Jesus over and over in their materials (even linking to this latest video with the url jesus.to), yet the lead pastor models a worldly sorrow without repentance that Paul says leads to death. It is irresponsible (for those of us who know these things from first hand experience and are in a position to address them) to turn away as Jesus' name is used in empty, cheap ways. Thankfully, in this area, many of God's children are rising up to confront these things privately as well as publicly. This is good for the Church.

Long before Pastor Mark released this week's video, I wrote about godly verses worldly sorrow in The Gospel-Centered Woman. I felt that many women, myself included, often linger in this sorrowful place over our sin without understanding how repentance in the shadow of the cross heals and repairs. I'll close with these thoughts from the book.
Worldly sorrow is characterized by feelings of shame, pain, or embarrassment that you got caught in sin. Along with that shame, you may feel hopelessness over ever being cleansed from your sin or your ability to repair the relationship with the person you sinned against. Such worldly sorrow may be relieved by someone else doing something for you or you doing something for yourself. Maybe you seek out someone to affirm you or distract you. You may try to manipulate how others think of you and look to them to make you feel better about yourself. If one relationship is broken, you may manipulate other relationships to replace the one you harmed. 
In contrast, godly sorrow is sorrow that directs you to Christ. You do not need someone else to do something for you. You do not need to do something for yourself. Instead, you fall flat on your face before God alone, for godly sorrow points you directly to Him. Godly sorrow is relieved by repentance and faith in what Christ has already done for you. Then, resting in what God has done for you, you can lay down your attempts to justify yourself to others. You can simply ask their forgiveness and repair with those you have hurt. 
Many of us spend years of our lives mistaking worldly sorrow on a wide range of sin issues for authentic repentance and then wonder why we never change or why our relationships never heal. Feeling bad about what you have done is not the same as a godly sorrow that leads to repentance. God calls us to recognize our wrongdoing and need for forgiveness and then turn to God to forgive and correct it. We do not have to live in a perpetual state of regret and shame. Christ bore our shame and condemnation on the cross. His sacrifice for us equips us to face our sin head-on without fear that it will forever define us.

Friday, June 20, 2014

The Repentance Snowball Effect

I've never had a post that I was so sure I was supposed to write that has felt as hard to finish as this one. A friend told me two weeks ago I ought to write on this, and I started it then. Yet, I feel like I'm pushing through a thick haze to get it finished. I wondered if the Spirit was hindering me. Then I remembered the Word of God, because it teaches me that the Spirit is FOR repentance. I recognize now the one who is against it, and I determined today I would overcome whatever barriers that lesser being placed in front of me, because I think the Greater One blesses us when we think on repentance.

I have harped on repentance from time to time. I wrote about not circling the wagons,

recognizing the pitfalls of self-justification,

recognizing sincere verses insincere confession,

and about our need to listen to our critics.

After years of banging my head against the wall wondering if anyone in my spiritual community believed what I did about the beauty of repentance, the flood gates have finally opened. Former and current elders are repenting without defensiveness to those they were supposed to shepherd. One former wounded church member confronted an elder, “You were the worst counselor I've ever had.” Yet the elder responded without defensiveness, “I am so sorry I failed you. Will you please forgive me?” I've seen that kind of repentance these last few weeks again and again and again. 

Here is what I note about authentic repentance – a response of true repentance does not depend on the quality of the confrontation. This has been a mistake I've made over the years. I do personally believe that I have some obligations in how I draw someone toward seeing their sin (see 2 Timothy 2:24-26 for clear teaching in Scripture on how to confront). But it is a serious mistake to believe that real repentance will be squashed if the one in sin is confronted with too much anger or passion or hurt. Because true repentance isn't primarily a transaction between accused and accuser. It's first and foremost a humbling of ourselves before GOD. That's the key to authentic repentance. Nathan confronted David about his sin. But David confesses in Psalms 51 that it is against God, and God only, that he has sinned against.

With that foundation in place, authentic repentance begins. The particular confession I have gotten to witness is that of elders recognizing that they “shepherded” sheep with a foundation of pride, fear, and intimidation that caused them ultimately to harm rather than nurture the dear ones God gave them to serve. When someone sees this first and foremost as a sin against God, there are profound results. The primary result I've seen is a humble response by repentant guys that seeks out person after person hurt by their sin and owns it in front of them.

The second thing I note is that this kind of authentic repentance
snowballs. It's breathtaking to see one guy admit his sin, then to get a phone call from another guy who admits his sin, followed up by a private message from another one, with an email from yet another, and so forth. Multiple former pastors reaching out to multiple former parishioners, with multiple instances of sincere repentance followed by multiple gifts of grace in response.

It's catching. God's kingdom comes. His will is being done. He forgives our debts as we forgive others. God's kingdom does not come without repentance, and Jesus' words, “It is finished!” ring truest in those moments of humbly admitting our sin with God first and those we've hurt in close second.

If you need to confess yet have let fear or pride stop you, may the Spirit move you forward as you see and hear of others finding freedom and healing by humbling themselves before God.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

My Dad, Your Father

Father's Day can be tricky. I have many sweet beautiful friends who were utterly failed by their fathers. These friends struggle to know their heavenly Father. It's natural to cast onto our heavenly Father the characteristics of our fallen earthly fathers. How many sisters in Christ struggled to get their dad's attention? How many were completely abandoned by their fathers? Many had fathers who held them to impossible standards, whose affirmation had to be earned, and who were quick with criticism that cut their daughters to the bone. And how many have struggled not to believe those same things of God in heaven?!

I did not have that type of dad. I hesitate to post on my dad here on Father's Day, because I am sensitive to the pain that others feel around such a day. I hope that my words about my dad will be an encouragement to all of us, whether you had a dad like this or not, because the best characteristics of my dad are the ones that are true for all of us of our heavenly Father. You too have a Dad like this, better actually, though you haven't yet gotten to physically sit in His lap.

I have the best kind of dad – the kind that isn't perfect, but when the rubber meets the road, you know he is there for you. My dad taught me life lessons, particularly the importance of hard work and frugality. He lost his family farm in his early twenties, which was then turned into the city dump. That kind of thing will change you. He started with nothing, but he worked his way up until he found a way to provide for his family.

Daddy taught me to be frugal. I don't know how good a job I've done with this as an adult, but I've tried to be wise with my money. Daddy also gave his daughters opportunities he never had. He paid every last tuition payment I had for college. At the time, I took it completely for granted. But at the end of my college years, I slipped up and showed my lack of appreciation. He's not a yeller, but I figured out quickly that he didn't pay for my college to coddle a spoiled rich girl. We were not rich, but I was probably a little spoiled. He did it because he, despite his desire to learn, had to drop out of college due to finances. It took years of him paying for my private education before it dawned on me the sacrifice he made to do so and the reasons he did it.

Daddy wanted me to have opportunities he never had, but sometimes that came at a cost. I remember telling him that I was going to South Korea to teach in an international Christian school as soon as I finished working in a Christian camp away from home all summer. He got very quiet, but he never pressed me against that decision, and I always felt supported by him and my mom while I was away.

Once, I was in a stressful personal situation, and my dad offered to fly out to help me (from South Carolina to Seattle). I told him I thought I'd be OK, but I'd let him know. However, by the end of the day, it was clear I needed his help. I emailed my mom from Seattle long after they had gone to bed. Could Daddy come after all? I was hoping he might be able to find a reasonable ticket that would get him there the following week. But when I woke up the next morning, he had a ticket that put him into Seattle that night. The love he and my mom showed me as they dropped everything to make that happen still moves me to tears.

Here's what I know about my dad. He loves me. He is for me. He will do whatever he can do to help me. He's not going to buy me frivolous things, but if I need an important bill paid and can't do it myself, he's there. Most of all, he hurts when I hurt. Biblically, it's called compassion – he suffers when I suffer. And that has helped me to understand my Father in heaven in meaningful ways.

I never doubted that God would provide for me.

I never doubted that God loved me.

I never doubted that God wanted my best.

I never doubted that God was FOR me.

Sister in Christ, your own dad may not be like that at all. But your heavenly Father is! He has compassion for you, which means literally that He suffers with you. He is FOR you.
Psalm 103:13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Pornography and Gospel Community

One of my elders at church taught a class Sunday on pornography. He was vulnerable and honest about his own serious struggle with pornography after being exposed to it at a very young age through sexual deviancy among the adults in his home. I found his lesson relevant to men who've struggled with pornography, women who've struggled with pornography, men who haven't struggled with pornography, and women who haven't struggled with pornography. Since that probably covers all the readers here, I thought I would share the progression of his thoughts.

1. Pornography is sin. Despite the near mainstream acceptance of pornography in many cultures (certainly here in Seattle), we need a Biblical framework for understanding the issue.
Matthew 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 
See also 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and Galatians 5:19-21.
2. However, don’t elevate the sin above what it is – simply sin. Adam, the elder teaching this lesson, shared how in a moment of deep angst over his use of pornography yet again, he was confronted by another elder at our church. Did he have the same angst when he yelled at his wife? When he was angry with his children? The elder exhorted him to not minimize the sin, but also not to allow it a place of importance above other sins. In a twisted way (because we often do twist such things), elevating the sin of pornography can make fighting the struggle a legalistic idol and source of pride for those who struggle less than others.
Romans 1:29-32 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
3. Hate the sin, and speak truth with patience and grace to yourself and others with overcoming the struggle. Paul's words in Romans 7 don't excuse our sin, but it does explain our sin.
Romans 7:15-8:1 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. 
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Adam shared his story of his wife's response to him when he first confessed his use of pornography to her. He waited until late in the evening to tell her. Then he got up off the bed to leave the room in shame. She asked him where he was going, and he told her he figured she didn't want to be around him right now. She said, “Why would I want that? I love you!” Adam recounted with tears how her words ministered grace to him that kept him walking his struggle with pornography in the light. In contrast, he knew another man who told him his wife's response was along the lines that if she ever caught him using pornography again, she would immediately divorce him. This further pushed this man into isolation and shame when he needed to admit his sin and walk in the light with his wife. Adam pointed out how his own wife's gracious response helped him walk in the light and confess his sin, which has been key to moving forward in his struggle successfully.

There is a tension here. We need to make sure that in our patience and grace we remember that grace also means to speak truth. Consider Bonhoeffer's words in Life Together: “Reproof is unavoidable. God’s word demands it when a brother falls into open sin…Nothing can be more cruel than the tenderness that consigns another to their sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe rebuke that calls a brother back from the path of sin.”

4. If you struggle with pornography, you are not alone. Pornography is impacting all kinds of things in our culture—fashion, crushing expectations regarding physical appearance and sexual performance, and so forth. Many believe it is now the number one educator for teaching American children about sex. One survey showed 50 percent of Christian men and 20 percent of Christian women said they were addicted to pornography. 60 percent of Christian women said they struggled with lust. This is a big struggle affecting many people you know.

When Adam first introduced a class on sexual immorality during announcements at our church 10 years ago, a number of wives and girlfriends came up to him after the service to thank him for giving them the freedom to talk with their significant other whom they thought was struggling with pornography. Many men talked with him in the weeks afterwards as well, though not immediately after service. It was a widespread struggle, and one man speaking in the light gave freedom to others to join him.

5. Work out the sin and struggle in community. Adam recounted leaving work after a particularly stressful day feeling a strong desire to watch porn and masturbate. He texted another elder exactly that. That elder had struggled as well, and the power of the temptation each felt seemed to dissipate when they brought it into the light. I am thankful for a gospel-centered church that is safe for people to struggle in the light with their sin. We need to be safe places where others can be honest about their sin. No struggle with sin can be won in the dark.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 
Galatians 6:2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
6. Know that you are defined by Jesus, not your sin! Consider these truths from Scripture on how God thinks of and speaks of you regardless of your struggle.

I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am confident that God will perfect the work He has begun in me (Philippians 1:6)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3)
I am chosen before the creation of the world (Ephesians 1:4, 11)
I am adopted as his child (Ephesians 1:5)
I am given God's glorious grace lavishly and without restriction (Ephesians 1:5,8)
I am in Him (Ephesians 1:7; 1 Corinthians 1:30)
I am forgiven (Ephesians 1:8; Colossians 1:14) I am included (Ephesians 1:13)
I am sealed with the promised Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13)
I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5)
I am raised up with Christ (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 2:12)
I am God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
I am a dwelling for the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 2:22)
I am not alone (Hebrews 13:5)
I am His disciple (John 13:15)
I am set free (Romans 8:2; John 8:32)

7. In conclusion, hear this encouragement from Galatians whether your struggle is pornography or other sexual sins, anger, greed, or something else.
Galatians 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
If you struggle, bring it into the light. And if you don't struggle, be ready to walk with those who do bring it into the light. They need safe places to be honest about the temptations they face and the sins they commit, because light heals.